Magda's Blog

Category: Self-Coaching Techniques

Strategies and methods to guide personal development and self-improvement.

  • Feel It in Your Body: How Awareness Helps You Tame Anxiety

    Feel It in Your Body: How Awareness Helps You Tame Anxiety

    You know that old song that goes, “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. Anxiety’s all around me, and so the feeling grows.” Okay, okay, I know it’s “love,” not anxiety, but as a human with eyes, ears, and a brain living in the USA in 2025, emotions aren’t exactly running at full capacity. So what’s a girl to do?

    Fortunately for me, I’ve built an arsenal of tools to help myself because anxiety has been my lifelong companion. And like any tools, knowing when and how to use them is key. But before you can do that, you need to understand what you’re actually experiencing. (Don’t roll your eyes — I promise this will be helpful!)

    Body + Mind = You

    Think back to the last time you felt anxious. Describe it. Write it down if you can. How detailed is your description? More than a couple of short sentences?

    Now, pretend you have zero context for what you wrote. Read it out loud. How many different things could those words describe? If you wrote “tightness in my chest,” that could also be fear, excitement, a heart attack, acid reflux, or grief — not just anxiety.

    In coach or counselor training, there’s a concept called “Hands, Heart, Head” (or “Sensations, Emotions, Thoughts”). It’s a check-in exercise to help you fully understand what you’re experiencing. Let’s break it down in the context of anxiety.

    Understanding Your Baseline

    When anxiety hits, pausing to analyze your thoughts, emotions, and sensations isn’t exactly instinctive. That’s why it’s essential to know your baseline — what you feel like when you’re calm — so you can spot when anxiety creeps in and choose the right tool to manage it.

    What Are You Experiencing Right Now?

    Let’s assume you’re not anxious at the moment. (If you are, that’s okay — just repeat this when you’re calm.)

    Emotions (Heart) — What emotions are you feeling? When you’re not anxious, you might feel calm, content, or neutral. For me, neutral feels like autopilot — the emotion of doing dishes or vacuuming. It’s not exactly chill, but it’s steady.

    Thoughts (Head) — What’s running through your mind? When I’m neutral, my brain still hums along. I’m curious, so I rarely experience true mental quiet. But during certain activities — sewing, gardening, walking — my mind finally stills. Knowing this helps me recognize when my thoughts start spiraling.

    Sensations (Hands) — What’s happening in your body? This is the most crucial part. We often dismiss physical sensations, which makes it easy to miss anxiety’s early signals until it’s overwhelming.

    For example, I used to get the classic chest tightness and throat lump. Now, thanks to the state of the world (looking at you, Trump and Musk), my anxiety manifests as a bizarre tingling in my limbs — worst in my toes, but also in my biceps and around my mouth. It feels like my skin and flesh are buzzing separately, in conflict with each other. I hate it.

    To map your baseline, try this exercise:

    1. Find a quiet space: Silence your phone, get comfortable, and either lie down or sit with your feet grounded.
    2. Close your eyes: Start at the top of your head and mentally scan down to your toes.
    3. Name the sensations: Are you feeling pressure, warmth, coolness, tingling, or tension? Get as detailed as possible. It might feel silly to “check in with your ribcage,” but the more specific you get, the better you’ll know what “neutral” feels like.

    Doing this regularly builds awareness, making it easier to spot shifts when anxiety shows up. Humans are incredibly adaptable — we get used to things, even discomfort. I could’ve brushed off my tingling feet as being cold, but by recognizing the pattern, I knew it was anxiety and took steps to address it.

    Awareness Is Power

    The goal is to understand your neutral state so you can recognize when things shift. A simple journaling practice helps: Every few days, write down answers to these questions:

    • How are you feeling?
    • How do you know?

    After a few entries, look back. Are your descriptions getting more detailed? Has your language changed? Noticing these shifts is powerful.

    When I realized my tingling feet weren’t just from cold, I reached out to my doctor. I already practice box breathing when anxiety builds, which helps, but this sensation lingered. My doctor prescribed medication to support me for now — fingers crossed it helps.

    The silver lining? This anxiety pushed me to write again, and for that, I’m grateful.

    So, what are you feeling right now? And how do you know?

    Let me know — I’d love to hear from you.

  • Box breathing to help you relax

    Box breathing to help you relax

    There’s a lot wrong with the world right now. My head and heart alternate in what hurts – and that’s just from “first-world problems.” I don’t want to belittle anyone’s experience, including my own, but it’s good to keep perspective. I can’t solve anyone’s problems, but what I can do, is offer a technique that helps me cope whenever I feel like there’s a vice on my chest – box breathing. It’s an easy and effective little tool to help you out in the moment.

    What is box breathing?

    Box breathing is a controlled breathing exercise where you inhale, hold your breath, exhale, and hold again — all for equal counts, typically four seconds each. It’s called “box” breathing because the pattern of breath creates a mental image of a square, with each side representing a phase of the practice.

    This technique is used by Navy SEALs, athletes, and mindfulness practitioners alike to build resilience, enhance focus, and manage stress. But you don’t have to be in a high-stakes situation to benefit from it — box breathing is just as helpful in everyday life. I use it multiple times a day (a lot more lately LOL).

    I like to know how things work and why they work so let’s first look at the steps to practice box breathing and then the mechanics behind it.

    How to practice box breathing

    Ideally, I’d start with “get comfortable,” but that’s not always possible when the world is burning around you. So let’s settle for “pause what you’re doing,” shall we? (For example, I’ve pulled over to the side of the road when driving to rescue my mind with box breathing. Once you recognize that you need it, just stop and take a minute to reset.)

    If possible, sit down, with your feet flat on the ground and hands resting on your lap. I find that closing my eyes is super helpful as well.

    1. Inhale for 4 seconds – Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose for a count of 4.
    2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds
    3. Exhale for 4 seconds – Slowly breathe out through your mouth for a count of 4.
    4. Hold for 4 seconds – Hold your breath on the bottom of the exhale for a count of 4 before beginning the next inhale.

    Repeat for at least three rounds to notice a difference, but go for as long as you like. For me, a minute or so is ideal, but you do you. Also, if the 4 seconds on each step feel off to you, add or subtract as you see fit. Just keep all four phases even.

    The science behind box breathing

    In simplest terms, box breathing helps regulate your body’s nervous system and brings you into a state of balance. (Scroll all the way down for a few links to relevant studies.)

    There are actually many techniques for “slow breathing,” many of which have a similar positive effect on your body. Take a look at this paper from NIH, which reviewed and links to multiple studies on breathing practices. I happen to know and love box breathing, so that’s my go-to when it comes to breathing exercises.

    Box breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system.

    Your body has two main nervous system responses: the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the “fight or flight” response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (responsible for the “rest and digest” response). When you’re stressed, your body stays in a high-alert state, which can lead to chronic anxiety, fatigue, and even physical health issues. Box breathing helps shift your body into the parasympathetic state, lowering your heart rate and promoting relaxation. Activating the parasympathetic nervous system helps your body return to a state of calm, allowing you to think more clearly and feel more at ease.

    Box breathing helps balance your oxygen and carbon dioxide levels.

    The even, measured rhythm of box breathing optimizes your body’s oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange, preventing symptoms of hyperventilation like dizziness. Proper gas exchange is crucial for mental clarity and physical relaxation. When these gases are in balance, your brain and body can function more efficiently, leaving you feeling grounded and alert.

    Box breathing reduces cortisol levels.

    Deep, intentional breathing has been shown to lower cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. High cortisol levels can contribute to anxiety, poor sleep, weight gain, and even long-term health issues. By reducing cortisol through box breathing, you’re giving your body a chance to recover and recharge.

    Box breathing aids mindfulness and awareness.

    The structured, repetitive nature of box breathing brings your attention to the present, much like a meditation practice. When you focus on your breath, you interrupt anxious thought patterns and create mental space. This makes it easier to experience a sense of calm, even in the middle of a chaotic day.

    Use box breathing whenever you need it

    Box breathing isn’t a magic cure-all for the chaos of life, but it is a powerful tool to carry with you. It’s a quick, accessible way to reset your body and mind whenever you need it. By practicing this technique regularly, you’re not just calming your body in the moment – you’re training yourself to handle everyday difficulties more effectively over time. So the next time life feels overwhelming, remember that your breath is always there to guide you towards calm.

    Here are some resources to support this article and for further reading on the relationship between breathing and stress/anxiety:

  • Procrastination and the power of “So what?”

    Procrastination and the power of “So what?”

    I’m pretty good at coming up with ideas. I’m also fairly decent at inspiring and motivating others to bring ideas to life. Unfortunately, when it comes to the things that I need to do myself, I don’t always follow through. Sometimes it’s because we all have things that we dread doing and we just put them off. Other times it’s because I get distracted with something that is a higher priority, or, frankly, shinier, and things don’t get done. But what about the things that I say are important to me and that are fairly shiny themselves and I know that I’m capable of doing and I want to do them and I enjoy doing them? I drop those too. Fail.

    As I’m walking with Saylor and thinking, I frequently get clarity as to whatever’s been bouncing around in my head. The concept that’s just came to a standstill is that for me procrastination is a battle between fear and inspiration. There’s a lot I want to say and there’s a lot I want to do, but there’s that constant tug-of-war that makes me question the validity of my ideas and the probability of their success. It’s much easier to just not do something than to do it and have it fall on its face.

    This is a huge problem for me not only because it means I let people down but also because it goes against a lot of what I think I am, or at least what I want to be. I want to be reliable, dependable, inspirational to myself and others, and lead by example. How can I do that if fear wins the tug-of-war and not the inspiration?

    When I eventually take that proverbial step off the cliff then whatever fear I had is no longer relevant because there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve written that article, recorded that video, made that piece of clothing, etc. Even as I write the examples of things that I procrastinate about I can feel self-judgment coming over me because what kind of idiot has any sort of fear around writing an article? Me. I do. WTF?

    Even though this piece here is very much stream of consciousness, I promise you I’ve overthought this sufficiently. The conclusion I’ve come to is that no matter how resilient a person can be, the public nature of life nowadays is legitimately terrifying. Every piece of content is scrutinized be it by one person or millions. As I learned with my past few articles, a lot of people are supportive and it feels so good to read your comments. On the other hand, I’m sure there are plenty of people who just can’t be bothered to read and others who subscribe to “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Isn’t it kind of ridiculous that it’s the stuff that we don’t see that ends up lingering in the brain versus just appreciating the positive responses?

    “But Magda, you are literally writing this article and you’re about to publish it and you’ve done this with others before so are you just full of shit?” Astute observation, my friend. All these paragraphs in and I haven’t even stated what motivated me to write this particular piece. Look at all the words I used just to try to avoid it. 🙂 Fear is still winning at this point…

    The thing I wanted to start forever is a vlog. The idea for it has taken different shapes over the years (yes, I said years), starting with videos of my crazy creatures, DIY videos of all the stuff I make (I sew, I cook, I garden, I do a lot of stuff with my hands every day), and most recently self-esteem boosting content. Every time I started to record, fear took over. Why would anyone want to hear me talk? How am I an authority on how to make anything or how to improve your well-being? Why would anybody watch this? How dumb do I sound? How fat do I look? I got very good at coming up with objections.

    So I haven’t done it. I’ve done a few reels on Instagram just to learn how it all works (but I have to say that if it’s not a video of animals, then it’s not that much fun for me to do so I think I’ll skip those for now). I did a series of interviews with other women and a handful of episodes of a self-coaching podcasts with a brilliant friend of mine, Tracy. Both of those had decently good feedback but fear won and I have not continued those.

    My motivation for writing this article today is to give myself a push to try it again. After literally years (yes, that’s years again) of dozens of doctors visits and blood tests and feeling like I’m a hypochondriac, I finally have confirmation that my thyroid is under-active. Tomorrow morning I have my first endocrinologist visit and this is the most excited I’ve been about going to a doctor possibly ever. I finally have some answers.

    Don’t worry, I don’t want to start putting up videos of doctor visits and thyroid explainers (or maybe I should?). What I would like to do is document my life as I try to get my body back in order, and as I hopefully lose the 40+ pounds I’ve put on for seemingly no reason (the theory is that this was at least partly the thyroid’s doing, or, as the case may be, not-doing). I’ve often thought that my low filter and general lack of embarrassment would be a good fit for something like this. I’m not ashamed to share what I look like and I feel like. I’m also an over-sharer so it all makes sense, yeah?

    In general, it sounds like a pretty good idea, right? I mean, if there’s one thing we need a little bit of more of on the Internet and in life, it’s reality. I feel like everything is so polished and produced that it’s hard to have a realistic self-image. I don’t. Maybe this will help? And therein lies my fear.

    Women’s bodies are so edited in all the media that I honestly don’t trust any photos I see anymore. And I do mean at all sizes because — let’s be honest — even the ladies who have a bit more junk in the trunk still benefit from good photographers and good lighting, not to mention a bit of photoshop. For me personally, it’s really hard to feel good about how I look after I’ve scrolled through Instagram. Maybe that’s super cliché, but it’s the truth. And what sucks is that I’m sure there are plenty of creators who I would relate to better but the algorithm gods are not supportive of reality, so “pretty and polished” it is. (Perhaps I’ll be able to conquer the algorithm if I intermix some quality cat belly content?)

    This article today, like everything I’ve written lately, is parts catharsis, part self-coaching and part just getting my thoughts out of my brain. Do you know what? It’s helping. What I started off wanting to write about is my fears of why I haven’t started the project I just described. All I could think of was, what will people think? What will my ex-boyfriends think? (Yes, I seriously thought that). What if my colleagues think, “OMG Magda is trying to be an Internet celebrity. Yuck.” But then, eureka!

    So what?

    What if people judge me? What if they hate what I put up? So what? I know I will do whatever I do with the best intent and that it will not hurt anyone. Does it matter what others think? No. If people don’t like it, then they won’t watch the content. It’s pretty simple. And that’s OK. What am I actually afraid of?

    What it comes down to is this: I need to do what I think is right, what will make me happy, and what I think will help me. I think this vlog idea will do all of these things. The reality is that the weight gain and the uncertainty as to what has been happening to my body has taken a huge toll on me. I think I’ve been lying to myself about how much it affected me. I’m so used to being strong and to getting through things despite all obstacles that I frequently underestimate just how much things are weighing on me. And this has weighed on me, literally.

    My hypothesis is that posting things on a vlog will increase my own sense of accountability to myself so that I keep up with the weight loss through the downs, not just the ups. If things go well, I think it’ll be nice to look back later and see the full journey. And if things don’t go well then perhaps I’ll be able to look back and learn from what went wrong.

    What I need to get comfortable with is that I’m doing this for me. If it gives me joy, then the vlog already fulfilled its purpose. Anything else is just a cherry on top.

  • Unconditional Positive Regard

    Unconditional Positive Regard

    In honor of International Dog Day, I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about a concept exemplified by dogs: unconditional positive regard (or should it be unconditional pawsitive regard???).

    Dogs are the most amazing creatures on this planet. Well, maybe whales would give them a run for their money, but since we know a bit more about dogs, I’ll stick with my original hypothesis: dogs are #1.

    If you’re lucky enough to have a dog in your life, then you’ll know right away what I mean when I say that nothing exemplifies unconditional positive regard better than them. Dogs don’t have an agenda. If you’re sad, they try to comfort you. If you’re happy, they’re happy. To a dog, there’s nothing more important than their owner.

    Since I began learning about coaching, the concept of unconditional positive regard has made an incredible impact on me. So here’s my take on what it is, why it’s important to coaching and some personal struggles that it’s helping me face.

    What is unconditional positive regard?

    Unconditional positive regard is a concept from psychology, developed by Carl Rogers, who is largely regarded as one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy and of coaching. It’s a belief that the client you are working with (in our case, client who we are coaching) has the capacity within themselves to find the answers for whatever problem they are facing. And as a coach, then, you see this client as capable, in a completely positive light, without judgement. With such an approach, literally everything becomes possible.

    You can see the official definition below, in Carl’s own words.

    The individual has within him or her self vast resources for self-understanding, for altering her or his self-concept, attitudes, and self-directed behavior — and that these resources can be tapped if only a definable climate of facilitative psychological attitudes can be provided.

    Carl Rogers
    “Client-centered Approach to Therapy“

    Application in Coaching

    Coaching is a development process where the coach supports the client so that the client can reach their goal. The coach’s job is to listen actively and ask powerful questions, which helps the client figure out how to reach their goal. The coach doesn’t give any answers, nor does the coach lead the client towards any specific answer. To do that, the coach must act without judgment and without any personal agenda. Coaching is only about the client and no one else.

    Given the necessity to remove judgment out of the conversation, but knowing that each coaching session (as well as a coaching engagement across multiple sessions) always has a goal in mind, how can this be achieved? If the coach can’t say things like, “Here’s what I would do,” how can the coach be effective? By putting unconditional positive regard at the core of their coaching.

    Think about it… if you approach each client with the attitude that this person has the capacity to get to the right answer, your job as a coach becomes super easy. Instead of asking leading questions to point them to an answer, or guiding your sessions to make sure you hit all the PCC markers, you’ll ask questions that will lead the client to the realization that they have the answer.

    In my experience, looking at my client with unconditional positive regard changes my entire presence and energy. Even if I had a bad day, when I put on my coach hat and think, “Yes, this person has what it takes to reach their goal,” my body language changes and any personal negativity I had before the session is put aside along with any judgment. The client picks up on this and their energy lifts as well.

    This is such a powerful concept! Just by deciding to take this approach, you set up a coaching conversation for success. I’m a huge fan, if you can’t tell already :).

    It can change your life. Really.

    I’ve gotten pretty good at ensuring I approach coaching conversations with it in mind. I’m also getting there when it comes to personal conversations with friends, family and colleagues. That one is a bit harder to achieve, but even with limited application, it has helped my interpersonal relationships quite a bit. (Try it! For example, instead of being annoyed with your sibling when they call you with another one of their dramas, imagine looking at them with unconditional positive regard. Will that change how you listen? How you respond? How you experience the conversation emotionally? Seriously, try it.)

    Unfortunately, an area I still struggle with is applying unconditional positive regard to myself. I daresay a lot of women struggle with this, actually. (I also think that it’s directly related to the concept of the confidence gap, but that’s a whole other blog post… or book…). On the grand scheme of things, I’ve always been confident and have had high self-esteem. Then life happened and I’ve gone up and down on both (and that’s a whole other article yet again, so I won’t go into details here).

    Even though I’ve largely bounced back, I have yet to be able to apply unconditional positive regard to myself. When I try, I inevitably think that I’m not deserving of unconditional anything. Or that it’s selfish to look at myself so positively. When I look in the mirror, I notice every imperfection. When I write, I think, “You’re note an authority on this. Why would someone read this?” When I accomplish something that I would celebrate if it was any other person who did it, I rarely share it publicly because it feels like bragging — why should I deserve the attention?

    But let’s look at the bright side — I’ve seen what applying unconditional positive regard can do when that’s how I interact with other people, so I’m excited at the potential I can unleash in myself once I get to the point when I can see myself in this light. So I’m not going to give up.

    I can. I will. Watch me!